Another cracker, i've nicked them all and emailed to my mum

I hope your Mum has a sense of humour, my jokes are not always suitable for Mothers!

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer ' s invention, so large shipments of manure were common.


It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!


Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.



After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term
' Ship High In Transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.



Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ', (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I

I had always thought it was a golf term.

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.



The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.



The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:


Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

123

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually.
He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing
seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a
white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use
it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for
as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to
continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is
1234, and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for
another year." The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers
and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and
puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets
into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123;" and suddenly he has the
most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man had promised.
His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks.........

"What did you say '123' for??